Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
