The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
