Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
