I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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