I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
