those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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