Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
