2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
