Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
