Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
