I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
