dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
