i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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