i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
