I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
