he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
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