Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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