She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
