i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
