so explain again why im purple
no
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The uberlube is also flammable
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
