I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
