Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
