I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
