Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
