Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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