so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
