D3 body, D1 cock
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
