I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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