Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
