but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
