Define "chronic" masturbator.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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