I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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