best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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