Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
