i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
