the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
