I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also, beer. Big fan.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
