So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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