Are we in a gay sports bar?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
