a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
