Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
