I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dicks are not precious.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
