I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
