$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She announced her abortion via fbk
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
