I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
