do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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