barbara walters just said penis...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
