Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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