Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
