did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
