I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
