Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
