Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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