Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
