Betty ford says i'm here all night
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
As shirtless as possible
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
