my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
